How To Deal With Unaffirming Families & Friends
When you reveal yourself to the people closest to you and they don’t support you it’s really hard. Really, really hard.
Whether your family accepts you or they don’t, you are good and holy and loved.
Brian and I have each had our own journeys with our families. For him, his family came around after several years, for me they didn’t. But along the way we both had to learn how to take care of ourselves, how to have hard conversations, and how to set boundaries.
Whether you need support in setting boundaries or a pep talk to let you know you’re okay, read on!
Want some extra support and incredible community to hype you up? You’re invited to Sanctuary Collective.
You got this. We got you.
For Everyone Whose Parents Just Don't Understand
Learn how to be around unaffirming family & friends while feeling safe, strong, and centered
From being misgendered or deadnamed to having parents try to set you up with people of genders to whom you aren’t attracted to badgering you with personal and theological questions and so much more, we’ve been there.
In this 90-minute on-demand workshop, you will learn practical, actionable tactics as well as powerful mindset shifts so that you can get through your next family gathering feeling safe, strong, and centered.
Pep Talks From a Pastor
Dealing with folks who don’t get your identity can be hard. In these podcasts, we share our stories and best advice for how to handle these conversations.
Get A Little Taste of Eternal Life – Mark 10:17-31
Safe in Stuckness – Exodus 17:1-7
Divine in the Differences, feat Indigo Rose – Romans 1:24 – 2:8, 1 Corinthians 12:12-31
Shake It Off, Shake It Off – Mark 6:1-13
To LGBTQ Kids With Unaffirming Parents: You Deserve Better
I know all too well the sting of hearing “I love you, but I just can’t support your lifestyle”. The way that sting sinks deeply into your gut and pierces your heart. The way it makes you question what love really is.
And I understand the conflicted feelings when your parents are nice to you, when they don’t cut you out of their lives. You begin to think that maybe you’re asking too much, maybe they need more time.
But then you give them time and they still don’t change their beliefs. They tell you they love you, but… but we know you know how that feels.
Half A Loaf Is Not Enough
A good friend of Brian’s once said in response to a Christian college administrator offering conversation, but only with lots of strings attention (not even acceptance with strings attached!):
“What you are telling me is that because I am gay you will offer me half a loaf and because I am gay, I should take it. I don’t want half a loaf.”
We see well-intentioned folks offering halves of loaves everywhere today. We see other well-intentioned people defending or even applauding their offerings.
When you start paying attention, you realize that there are people offering halves of loaves all the time. Half a loaf is not enough.
When They Are Kind, They Kill You Slower
It’s hardest when they are kind. They hug you when they see you, they ask about your day and your life and mean it, they welcome you over for dinner and make sure you get more than enough to eat. They laugh with you.
It’s hardest when they are kind because then when they are not kind it cuts more deeply.
If you have people in your life who are kind, but not affirming, you are not crazy for feeling bad or for wanting more.
I Talked With A Southern Baptist Preacher About Leviticus For 3 Hours, This Is What I Learned
It was a sunny spring day and this charming young preacher sat across from me on a wooden picnic bench as we went back and forth discussing the ins and outs of Leviticus.
Who was Leviticus written for? What parts still applied to modern Christians? What was the original Hebrew for Leviticus 18?
We talked about it all.
As the sun began to set 3 hours later, I realized something important about conversations with unaffirming people.
8 Queer Tips To Get You Through The Holidays
The Holidays can be a really tough time for queer and trans people, especially for those of us who come from religious families.
Whether this season means being alone or whether it means going back to be with your family of origin, putting plans in place to help you cope and get through the holidays is essential.
Here are some things that have helped us!
If conversation between you and your parent or child is strained...
Micah was raised in a loving, conservative Christian family but as he grew older, his relationship with his family dwindled. With this powerful collection of emails, Micah shares the conversations that he had with his mother while coming out. He expertly models balancing dialogue with boundaries. We hope these emails can help you — no matter where you’re coming from.